Friday Beers Lingo

Dooley is the go-to-guy. What matters to him most in life are Friday Beers. That's his Super Bowl. Dooley's energy and happiness are contagious. Fun finds him. Instead of therapy, just go hang with Dooley for an hour. To quote Sara Lee, everybody doesn't like something, but nobody doesn't like Dooley.

Sorta in the crew, sorta not. Will he get the bachelor party invite? Maybe. Inner circle golf trip? Not unless five other guys can't make it. Recently he's had a couple good outings, but he's still not ready to be invited to the group chat. Ready to go at moment's notice, Fringe is always playing for his job.

The Big Fella once drank 34 Keystone Lights in an hour. A solid D3 left tackle, he turned down D1 offers so he could party more. Physical stature only matched by the size of his heart, he can be an enforcer if needed, but is usually a gentle giant.

She's got a next level motor. Out 5-6 nights a week, and hardly ever seems to get hungover. She has 479 unread iMessages and can type faster than anyone you've ever seen. Goes to the bathroom a lot.

Often seen with The Late Night Specialist, the Señor has a one track mind when it comes to planning his night. If you find yourself on a couch at 4 am listening to the latest RÜFÜS DU SOL megamix while watching replays of the 2016 NBA finals and discussing plans for a lifestyle golf company that makes tees that double as toothpicks, you are most likely with the Señor.

Nitrous oxide in human form. If you're on the fence about going out on any given night, a text from Rally King/ Queen will jolt your into action faster than Dua Lipa went Platinum (very fast). They bring the energy, regardless of the situation.

The success of her single "One Kiss" with Calvin Harris helped her self-titled album become the most streamed female album ever on Spotify. We worship Dua and her music. We won't tolerate any Dua slander.

His prime hours of operation are 2-7am. He prefers the afterparty to the party and is known for his deviousness and deep knowledge of obscure YouTube clips. The words "last call" mean nothing to him.

One beer in, and they're already planning their first dart. Jimmy's bummed a cig in 22 languages; Jessie only smokes Parliament Lights (except when she doesn't). Don't bring your Juul around them.

When Chill Guy walks into the pre-game, the world stops turning. A night out with him is like a lunar eclipse. Nobody really knows much about him... like what he does or where he lives. All we know is that he's devilishly handsome, impossibly charming, and way too chill for us. Dooley is his go-between, the only guy who texts him and is capable of luring Chill Guy out.

Your buddy's buddy from home. The co-worker who just got dumped by his girlfriend. He went to B-School with Glue Guy. He may not be a familiar face, but he makes up for it with enthusiasm and hustle. Cut him a break if he's a little quiet or doesn't get a joke, this guy's clearly new around here.

Dry Guy's famous for saying he's "probably going to take it easy tonight", only to end up shirtless singing Dreams by Fleetwood Mac with a group of Korean businessmen at a karaoke bar at 5am. He's always talking about his latest workout routine and how good it feels not to drink. Then succumbs to little to no peer pressure to go out.

He's watched Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket a combined 87 times and approaches a night out with military-like discipline. From the moment suckdown commences, he knows exactly how many drinks everyone's had, barking out orders like "you want a nipple for that thing?" if you're lagging. Don't even think about not finishing your beer. No wounded soldiers get left behind on the Sergeant's watch.

In his words, this guy's "seen it all" and "sucked down a lot of it back in the day". When you ask "a lot of what?", he can't really specify, but he'll stress that you wouldn't have been able to survive the ACDC/Guns N Roses Tour in 86. These days, he's like a prized racehorse: he's got one sprint in him, and then it's bed by 9:45.

He was summa cum laude in economics and the youngest VP in the history of JP Morgan's Industrial Group, but he's got some Dr. Jekyll in him when he hits the sauce. He chirps and picks fights. If it seems like he's got a chip on his shoulder, well, you might too if during a cold, drunken night at Harvard freshman year, he stripped naked in the dorms and forever earned the nickname "The Angry Inch".

He calls front seat in the Uber every time, and for good reason. He prides himself on his knowledge of the tastiest of licks, effortlessly gauging moods and switching between genres with surgeon's precision. Ever since he "played" his fraternity's spring party his senior year, he's considered himself a DJ. Except he doesn't know how to use any equipment other than an iPhone.

Ever since Meat Hose walked into the shower room after JV football practice sophomore year, people forgot his real name is actually Leonard. They say size doesn't matter, well, Meat Hose wouldn't know. He's generally a pretty soft spoken, mild-mannered guy. Who's got an Armadillo in his trousers.

He'll kill you if you mention it, but Fits wore Vineyard Vines all through high school. Now, he's the definition of a Hype Beast, buying clothes from various merch drops at least once a week. He has a Google Alert set for "Jonah Hill Paparazzi Photos" and wore an Adidas tracksuit to his sister's wedding.

Count Chrons hit the bong for the first time with his RA during orientation week freshman year, and never really stopped. The only thing he'll stray from weed for are some ice cold ones, but even then there's usually a 60% chance he doesn't make it out from the pregame. He went to 12 stops on Slightly Stoopid and 311's "Unity Tour" in 2017.

Much like a traveling snake oil salesman in the Wild West, the Medicine Man has a rare tonic, elixir, or potion to cure your every ailment. Tell him how you're feeling or how you want to feel and he can prescribe something. Just don't ask him where he got any of it.

Every group has drama. Glue Guy makes sure no bridge ever gets burned. He's the ideal locker room guy. It always feels like he's on your side, when he's really on everyone's side. he once convinced the Big Fella to drop the charges against Fringe Guy for keying his Jeep Patriot after consecutive pong losses.

It's been 2 weeks and all she wants to know is if you've been taking care of yourself. She'd really appreciate it if you came home a day early for Thanksgiving this year, and she's desperate to know if you're seeing anyone. What ever happened to that nice girl Rachel? Can you please just give her a call?

Dead man walking! He met her 3 months ago, but they're already talking about moving in together. Now he needs a permission slip to show up for Friday Beers, and she's usually with him. Why is he so whipped? Nobody's exactly sure, because he complains about "the old ball and chain" constantly. But her picture is his phone background and his voices gets really high when you hear him talking about her.

On a trip to the beach last summer, Fred woke up in a bush with one shoe on. He's used the sidewalk curb as a pillow on countless occasions, claiming it's more comfortable than his bed. He's skinny, but he's also fat. He's stupid, but he's also smart. He's really good at golf, but he can't putt. He's the most easily convinced man in the world, and he's capable of anything.

No matter how much he hangs, how much he tries, how little he tries, how current he is with his sports references, how many rounds he pays for, how many jokes he laughs at, how many cups he hits in pong, there's just no way around it - this guy sucks.

Has it been 6 months? 9 months? Not even the Drought God himself can be certain anymore. His current dry spell is the stuff of a legend. And what makes this streak even more impressive than those of Gehrig and Ripken is that he's making consecutive appearances without ever scoring. Still, nothing will deter Drought from stepping up to the plate night after night, bat on his shoulder, just hoping he'll run into one. He proudly stands by his unwavering belied that, "when it rains it pours".

Now you see him, now you don't. He staged a scenario so elaborate it allowed him to bail on his girlfriend's 25th birthday when her parents were in town to suck down with the fellas and he did not land in the doghouse. Beware though, The Artist's flair for reality-defying escapes is a double-edged sword. He is a master of the Irish Exit, maneuvering his way out of a party without a trace he was ever there.

Beer in one hand, stainless steel grill spatula in the other, red meat-stained apron on with the phrase "LICENSE TO GRILL". Barking out orders and directing traffic from behind the Weber like a Peyton Manning pre-snap read. Don't even think about asking to give the steaks a look. It's not ****ing time to flip them, ok? He spent 25k to attend Francis Mallmann's barbecue school in Patagonia.

If you've ever wondered why it's said women are hornier than men, look no further than The Temptress. She's an assassin, a dark-haired wolf in sheep's clothing (a hot sheep). She gets what she wants, when she wants by ruthless forces of persuasion, manipulation, and substance control. Directly or indirectly, she's played a part in over 30 failed relationships, even including one of Chill Guy's.

Ill Babe is the perfect girl. She's so ill and such a babe. You thought you had a shot with her after a dance floor makeout at the Avicii Pier 94 NYE concert sophomore year. But two weeks later she was dating Kygo's road manager. Now every Instagram she posts on a yacht is a haunting reminder of how much you suck. You blew it with Ill Babe and the boys will never let you forget it.

Doc Hoss gave up pre-med after three semesters in college, but never gave up offering unsolicited medical advice. Claiming to be rebelling against "the broken healthcare system", the Doc will diagnose you on the spot and self-prescribes through any ailment he experiences. The only person who doesn't know he isn't a real doctor is his dad, a Miami plastic surgeon who owns a cigarette boat named "BIGGER".

When you click on this girl's instagram story, get your popcorn ready, because you've got a BTS look into her step-by-step preparation of Tuesday night paella. Her last three Instagram captions are "about last night...", "never leaving", and the red dress emoji (she's in a red dress). Her parents pay more for her monthly SoulCycle classes than they do for her Tribeca rent. Her life is an absolute movie. Or at least she wants you to think it is.

You hear about storybook runs like the '86 Mets and '11 Mavs. Yet you don't hear about the '08 RCDS Cougars, who won the WAA Tier 3 playoffs after a 13-14 regular season. But if you hang with Vinny, he'll make sure you do. Fine, the best player in the league was a 6'4" center who barely got D3 looks. but Vinny Varsity made Second Team All-Conference and dropped 17 in the championship (six free throws during garbage time). There's no athletic pinnacle higher than that.

The Trustafarian woke up on third base and thought he hit a triple, when in reality his dad's actually a minority owner of the Mets. He boasts the lowest GMAT score in the history of Harvard Business School but already has a job lined up at a mid-sized distressed debt shop. Lost his shit last summer when he had to fly commercial to Nantucket for Figawi weekend. His name's probably Tucker.

The Female Alpha has been kicking your and everyone else's ass for years. Even though you did everything you could to cheat off her in college, she graduated with a 3.9 GPA to your gentleman's 2.7. She's the youngest VP in the history of the firm with a "work hard, play hard" mentality to match. She'll stay out until 6 am then dominate a 7 am Barry's Bootcamp Total Body class... while you piss your bed again.

A close associate of Medicine Man, Burning Man Guy is part of a community of trust-funded artists, broke charismatics, office-averse entrepreneurs, globe-trotting environmentalists, and spiritual seekers who lead semi-nomadic, unconventional lives. Find him in the warehouses of Bushwick, the mezcal distilleries of Oaxaca, or hanging at Soho House Berlin. Just don't ask him how he affords any of it.

The Buzz Hunter is the big wave surfer of partying. What started with him pioneering the Beezin' movement in college has led him around the world in search of a new, elusive sensations. He just took two weeks off from his job at Deloitte to attend an Ayahuasca ceremony deep in the Amazon rainforest, yet to this day swears there is no purer buzz than a Marlboro Gold after 9 Keystone Lights.

They say to dish it out you gotta be able to take it. Well, The Sensei loves nothing more than ball busting with the fellas, but he also still talks to his therapist about the time you made fun of his haircut in high school. One night in college Dooley found him butt naked in a bathroom stall listening to Marvin's Room by Drake. Want to master the art of sensitivity? Meet your Sensei.

The best way to describe this guy is he looks like, claps like, and gets stood up for high fives like Jason Garrett, mixed with the mannerisms of Andy Bernard sucking up to Michael Scott in season 3 of The Office. But the real standard is his nasally condescending tone. The trademark cheesedick voice. Always suspiciously enthusiastic. His favorite things to do are post reply chug Instagram stories and call everyone younger than him "pledge".

Much like Chill Guy, Chill Girl is inexplicably chill. After meeting Harry Styles at a Full Moon Festival in Thailand, she became his personal Vinyasa yoga instructor during his last tour. She doesn't know what a General Admission ticket is, and, according to her Instagram, is apparently a stick and poke tattoos artist with "clients" (she prefers to call them friends) including Zoë Kravitz, Zendaya, and Jared Leto.

Within 30 minutes of arriving at the Airbnb, Guard Dog has already identified the recycling, unloaded blankets from the linen closet, and programmed the alarm system (don't worry though, he'll lock up). He's printed out a few hard copies of the weekend's itinerary just in case you didn't get it on email or text. Please remember to keep receipts and input all your expenses in the Splitwise for Guard Dog.

Dr. Locks approaches constructing a 6 team teaser with a surgeon's precision. He is a self-appointed medical professional when it comes to gambling, and is absolutely certain of his diagnoses/ picks, even though he is constantly behind on his rent and in debt to a German bookie, Lars. Locks frequently has so much action on a given night he loses track on which outcomes he is rooting for. He famously turned $10k of Friday Beers' money into $20k during the first annual Locktoberfest.

Friday Beers resident unpaid intern. On a study abroad from his native Lyon last year, Pierre commenced suckdown so heavily he renounced his French citizenship and declared his undying loyalty to Friday Beers. Two weeks later we revoked his title of Chief Intern for making a small clerical error.

Platinum recording artist and Oscar-nominated actress (at the age of 14). Hailee is the ultimate EGOT threat and one of the most talented performers of our generation. She can do no wrong and we will not tolerate any besmirching of her name.